My Confession
by bluesonmondays
Summary: A video revolving Kickthestickz.


Highly inspired by KickthePj's Vyou answers from yesterday (9/9/12) regarding how he won't tell the world about his girlfriend if he has one and also me finding about about PJ's previous relationship with his ex, and wondering what it would be like if he does have a new girlfriend and then makes it public, ala Charlie. Heavy references to KickthePj and Crabstickz' videos. The format of making this comes from their joint love for making videos, and because I am a fan of trying to write in new perspectives.

* * *

You click on the video, the latest one on PJtheKick channel. Because obviously, this is a personal video, not one related to his video making. Not with a title named "My Confession".

The whirring began; sounds of the twirling roll of the tape amidst a black background. The screen slowly brightened to reveal a curly-haired young man sitting on a bench, dressed in a green hoodie and tight black jeans, two hands clasped together on his lap.

"Hello." The young man spoke, a deep voice that belied his age resonating through the video. "I'm PJ, I'm sure you know me." Pause. "The purpose of this video is to let you, my online audience, to share a very important event of my life. I know that I used to say that I try to keep my personal life and my Internet life very separate, and this still rings true to this moment, I am not changing that, but it is just that this will be life changing to the point that my personal and Internet life will merge and mesh to a certain degree."

PJ rubbed his fingers together, and blew on them. "So, uhm, it is pretty cold outside at this time of the year, I am not really dressed for the weather, but it's no matter, because I am afraid if I run home now and get a coat, I will miss the arrival of a person I care for a lot, and I don't want him to think that I am being entirely insincere, which I may or may not have been since the beginning of our friendship." A deep sigh. "Of course, this person is someone you all have known and have discussed about ever since he and I showcased a relationship beyond friendship. We made videos together, and went to trips together. His name is Chris, you all know him as crabstickz. Pretty cool guy, funny, witty."

PJ paused again, biting his lip as he walked nearer to the camera and his facial features began more visible amidst the darkened sky behind his back. "You think you can see me better this way?" His green eyes showed worry and tension, and PJ blinked a little. "Okay, this seems fine. I am not going to edit this so you will see everything. Don't get your heads in a gutter, girls, I certainly don't mean _it_ that way. Nudity is reserved only for music videos!" PJ winked before the screen spun around for a while and settling on a closer range of the bench. PJ picked up his place on the bench again and sat, his fingers tapping on his lap.

"Yes, I am waiting for Chris. I told him to come here today to talk to me. Talk about what, you think?" PJ sounded pretty official for a moment before smiling. "Well, you see, I made up my mind about where I want this go. I am definitely as straight as any guy go, have my usual shares of girlfriends and girl crushes and heartbreaks. In fact I can be the next Taylor Swift if I write down songs depicting my feelings regarding the past loves of my life." Coughing a little, PJ placed a fist near his mouth to cover the disturbance. "Well, anyways. Let me play you a song since I am sure he is not here yet." PJ walked near the screen again and pulled out a ukulele, grabbing it squarely before returning to his seat, crossing his legs together this time. He strummed the strings together and began playing a tune, before his voice started speaking.

"I met Chris about two years ago, online. I watched his videos, became a subscriber, and later, a fan. And even later, I popped him an email when I went to London asking to meet up, and we did." A strum. "He is literally as funny as he is online in real life. I had never laughed so hard. I had just broken up with my girlfriend at that time and was depressed and all but Chris really made my day better." A tap on the ukulele, and PJ repeated the tune he was playing. "And when he meets up with everyone he can literally brighten up their day, which is very amazing by my standards because I can never do that, I mean, I am friendly and all, but Chris, Chris just brings out the best in everyone. He may be sarcastic or snarky as he do, but everyone accepts his brand of humor and appreciates him for that. Which is awesome in my books."

PJ turned his face away to cough and sniffle a little, before returning to look at the camera, the ukulele in his hand stopped. "Chris, I want you to know this. I like you. I may love you, I am not sure, but I definitely do like you. I hope you understand how difficult this is for me, saying out how I feel for someone not female, because when it comes to you I just have no idea how to logically rationalizing wanting to touch a person in every way even though we are technically just friends. But I really want you to know this, because hiding or eluding from what I feel any time longer will only make this part," he nudged to his left side of his chest, "….feel more terrible for lying to you. I don't want to lie to you. I don't like you talking to Jessica or whatever easy girls that hooks their arms around you. I don't like you teasing everyone with your relationships with _anyone_, because it feels disturbing and yet when you were teasing people about Kickthestickz it makes me feel glad. Contented, happy even."

A sigh and PJ leaned back on the bench, his head looking low. "I texted you and called you, even shove a letter below your door, to tell you how sorry I am that I had not realized this sooner. That wanting to stay straight, I had rejected the feeling that had been hounding me ever since we had that first near kiss. If anything, I had wanted our first kiss to be personal, not to be placed on Youtube for the world to see, but I'm not sure if you knew that. I'm not even sure if you know how I felt, or if you feel the same way. But all I want is just an answer, of any kind. I have a feeling you know exactly what I will be saying tonight, that is why you are not showing up. I have been waiting for a while, about two hours since I last sent you a text to hurry up. But you are hurting me; shouldn't you give me a proper answer?"

"Hey." Another voice came from behind the camera, and PJ looked up.

"Chris? You came?" PJ stood up from his bench, and his expression disappeared from the screen.

"Yeah. Well when someone sends me ten texts and five missed calls within the span of a few hours it usually means something important no?" the characteristic tone of Chris was not mistaken, although he remained behind the screen. "I read your letter, and I heard you recording too."

"Chris." PJ's voice showed relief and he whispered something inaudible. A flurry of inaudible noises echoed throughout the screen and the light still shining on the empty bench slowly darkened.

When the video brightened up again, PJ beamed to the screen. The background now was presumably Chris' bedroom, and PJ nursed a cup while wrapped in a large duvet.

"So, hey guys. Sorry for the sudden intermission. There is something I need to announce to you guys. I did it! Chris agreed to date me." There were some clapping voiceover and PJ grinned as he sipped his cup. "Of course, some details of our lives are definitely still private to you Internet, but so far Chris and I agreed to share this beautiful moment with you and for you guys to be part of our lives. Thank you so much for watching this video…"

"PJ, didn't I tell you to lie on bed?" Chris came from the door and mock scolded, hands around his hips. He strutted in diva style and placed a hand on the camera, his palm covering a section of the square screen. "Dear audience, this idiot here has fallen into a cold no thanks to his stunt the other day and now he is stuck here and I have to nurse him until he gets better."

"You don't want me to get better, all I'm getting is Sensations and crabsticks and Diet Coke. You sure you nursing me there?" showing the content of his cup, PJ shrugged. "Diet coke on a cold. Think about it."

"It's not my fault I'm so attractive you don't want to leave." Chris sat down on PJ, duvet and all, and grabbed the cup before taking a sip himself. "No more Diet Coke for you!"

"You realize you are getting the cold right?" PJ tipped the cup back before Chris can get another sip, putting it on the table and wrapping his arms around Chris. "If you get sick who's going to take care of me?"

"Oh you're such a tease." Chris winked to the camera, letting his eyelids vibrate for a moment. "Well, that is all folks; our little PJ here needs to sleep…"

"…Little PJ's not tiny!"

"…because obviously he's worn out. Till next time!" There was no denying the blush on Chris' face as he bent over towards the screen.

And the usual "please subscribe to Kickthepj" video box appears before the video reaches the end of its streaming.


End file.
